The Process of Change
Making changes, for some people, is not an easy process. In fact there are often four distinct phases a person can go through before they make the change.
- denial
- blame
- anger
- chaos
Some people are resistant to making changes. That resistance leads you to blaming, anger and chaos.
For example, someone might find themselves in denial about what this program can do for their horsemanship skills. They probably are fairly accomplished with horses already and sure, they experience problems here and there but so does everyone else.
Many People won’t make changes until things are going really wrong. For example. People involved in traditional horsemanship aren’t attracted to natural horsemanship until everything they’ve tried has failed.
Only then might they be willing to accept that they might be part of the problem.
So they get into the PNH program and it starts to ask them to do things they don’t think are relevant. It seems to be making things worse with their horse because its exposing the horse’s hidden resentments and fears. They start to blame the horse, the program, the obstacle. They even get angry, frustrated, short-tempered with the horse (or the instructor!). What’s this got to do with anything anyway?
And next is chaos. Now they can’t even do some of the things they used to be able to do! Their friends think they’ve lost the plot and convince them that they’re going to ruin their horse! They’ve never had this much trouble!!! They used to win competitions, so what if the horse wouldn’t get in the trailer reliably?
This is the darkest hour before the dawn. When they can ask for help, when they can look clearly at what is happening and accept responsibility for being part of the problem, only then will they make a change… and then their horse will make the change.
For things to change, first you must change.
This is just an example, an extreme one and we’re not suggesting that’s what’s going to happen to you, especially if you can identify the pattern early and get out of it. But there are going to be some situations with your horse where he seeks to dominate you or seriously questions you leadership. Don’t let those get you blaming and angry and move you both into chaos!
In an earlier post we talked about “if you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you’ve always gotten”. In doing what we do, we’ve often built an artillery of justifications for our actions and way of doing things.
Don’t be surprised if your horse questions your leadership qualities.
Don’t get angry, get better.
This program is going to ask you to do the opposite of many of the things you do now! If you can accept this openly, just do them without trying to analyse or compare them to what you normally do, you’ll have a better chance of not going through the phases of denial, anger and chaos. You’ll accelerate your results. every time you find yourself saying “yeah, but I do it this way”, or “I don’t think its important, mine’s close enough” you are going to impede your progress.
PNH studied the most successful students and found that they have not had any denial in them. They have accepted and trusted the information without doubting its value or relevance. They have willingly accepted their responsibility in the horse-human relationship and that however the horse is responding or not responding is a direct result of their level of savvy.
Accelerate your results by being open and willing to change.
The most successful students have identifiable qualites.
They have a lot of try. They can laugh at themselves. They see every challenge the horse presents them with as a opportunity to learn. They are focused, not easily distracted. They are also goal oriented which means they take things a step at a time, systematically and patiently building their skills until one day they can do extraordinary things with their horse.
A challenge is an opportunity to learn.
The ideal learning attitude is open and flexible. Be conscious of the process of change.
This is not a common attitude to learning. But it represents the ideal learning attitude, the most flexible, the most willing to change. To optimise learning, we need to learn how to learn. Lack of denial is the first step.
Identify denial and head it off at the pass.
Make changes quickly and experience accelerated results.
If you can become conscious of the process of change you’ll learn to recognise when you are experiencing one of the phases. As soon as you find yourself there, identify it, name it. Make a conscious statement that is the opposite of the thought and laugh about it! And at the same time, don’t be surprised by it. You know now that it could happen at any time and at any stage of your development, whenever you get frustrated or you ego gets dented. Be open and willing to change.
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